55+ Best Husband Wife funny quotes

Hello there are you looking for Husband Wife funny quotes then you are in the place in this post I am going to share with you 55+ best Husband Wife funny quotes to enjoy your marriage life.

Marriage is a genuine life responsibility with a lot of good and bad times. In any case, it likewise has a lighter side. Here are some funny husband and wife quotes to enjoy your relationship.

Husband Wife Funny Quotes

1. Tell her she’s beautiful instead of HOT she’s your wife not TEMPERATURE.

2. A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.

3. Marry a man that will waste your lipstick, not your mascara.

4. Don’t Criticize your wife’s judgement–look who she married.

5. The sexiest thing a man can do to his woman is crawl inside her mind and make her imagination run wild.

6. A woman’s apology: I’m sorry but it was your fault.

7. The smarter the woman is, the more difficult it is to find the right man.

8. If couples who are in love are called LOVE BIRDS, then couples who argue should be called ANGRY BIRDS.

9. Well behaved wife rarely make history.

10. My husband thinks I’m crazy. But I m not the one who married me.

Funny Quotes About Husband & Wife

11. When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife – Prince Philip

12. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson

13. The Best way to get a woman’s HEART is to give her yours…

14. Don’t marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son just like him.

15. Wife is scientifically proven to be RIGHT even when they are WRONG.

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16. I never knew what real happiness was until I got Married; by then it was too late.

17. No matter how plain a wife may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.

18. There are two sides in a marriage, one who is always right and the other is called…..the husband.

19. I and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together.

20. Every wife is beautiful, It just takes right man to see it.

21. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

22. If a woman says “Do what you want”. Do not do what you want. Stand still, don’t blink, don’t answer, don’t even Breathe. Just play dead.

Marriage Quotes Funny Positive

23. My prince is not coming on a white horse… He’s obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost. -Anonymous

24. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. -Socrates

25. In our marriage everything is 50/50. I cook, he eats. I wash, we wears. I shop, he pays!

26. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. – Henny Youngman

27. If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. -Sigmund Freud

28. Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years……then we met. -Anonymous

29. The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’ Anonymous

Funny Quotes on Husband and wife relationship

30. Husband is the HEAD of the family and wife is the NECK that turns the head around!!

31. A jealous husband does not doubt his wife, but himself.

32. A husband’s last words should always be “OK, buy it”.

33. I love you, even when you fart in your sleep.

34. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker. -Woody Allen

35. Your wife won’t start an argument with you, If you’re cleaning.

36. A clever wife often sleeps with a Stupid husband

37. Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck – Unknown

38. An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal Husband – Booth Tarkington

39. A man in love is incomplete until he has married.  Then he’s finished – Zsa Zsa Gabor

40. My wife says I never listen to her.  At least I think that’s what she said – Unknown

41. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her – Sacha Guitry

42. She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook – Tommy Manville

Husband Wife funny quotes For Newlyweds

43. A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers – Ruth Bell Graham

44. Marriage changes passion – suddenly you’re in bed with a relative – Unknown

45. Below is a list of ways to win an argument with your wife…………………….empty not found.

46. Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night – St. Jerome

47. I never even believed in divorce until after I got married – Diane Ford

48. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy – François

49. Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance – Michel de Montaigne

50. We always hold hands, If I let go, she shops. – Henry Youngman

51. If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.

52. If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry – Anton Chekhov

53. The surest way to be alone is to get married – Gloria Steinem

54. He wear the pant but I pick them out.

Husband Wife funny quotes with Images

55. Never laugh at your wife’s choices, You are one of them.

56. My Husband and I are doing workshop. He works and I shop.

57. Nothing makes a wife more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.

 

I hope you like the above quotes! If you have some more Husband Wife funny quotes, feel free to comment down below. I will post it on our official Instagram account with your username.